i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
