I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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