Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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