I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
