Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
