can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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