I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize