it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
