I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i've created a new STD.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
