He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
