It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
