i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
