We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
