OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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