I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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