I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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