If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
