I think i peed on brittanys purse
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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