Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
