Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
