What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
