we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
