I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
