1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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