When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
