her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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