I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
