Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
