the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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