Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
