I heard we made out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
