For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
