you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
