A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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