Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
