I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you made out with another girl for some wings
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
