he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
