you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i think we sleep fucked last night...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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