did you get engaged???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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