I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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