sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
