Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
