Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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