Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
