did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
