he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
