ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
