So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
