i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
