We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
