If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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