all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
