I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
