The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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