dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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