I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
