nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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