shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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