I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize