non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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