I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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