YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
