Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
